Nowadays it is increasingly aimed at becoming “someone”, but more and more often, it feels “no one”. Who told her that to be good with oneself needs to be “exceptional”?
Who would not like a good job, perhaps with a considerable salary? Who would not want to reach important professional or personal goals? Who would not want to be better than it is now? Well, almost no one. And there is nothing wrong with wishing these and other things. Indeed, it is absolutely right to try to improve your standard of living and your level of satisfaction.
The problem, however, is when we tend to give too much importance to all these things to the point of identifying them as “proofs” of our being worthy, adequate or really important. Something that can make us emerge from the mass, from boring normalness, to feel exceptional people, with a purpose in life.
It then happens that if for some reason we fail to achieve some of our goals or meet some of our desires, we may feel defective, condemned to half-life, where nothing (or almost) was obtained and we could not express all our potential.
But is this really what they are? Do you need to “get somewhere” to feel good and happy about yourself? And if we were to get what we wanted, are we sure we would stay happy for a long time?
We want everything
We all want something. Or rather, we want something. We would like to be more beautiful, taller, fit, smarter, and happier. On the contrary, there are things we will never want: illness, isolation, loss, failure, death. Desiring the opposite: health, relationships, gains, successes, eternal life.
In short, we want just that things were different for us, that our life will be better, and that we were better. Nothing wrong with this, but it is important to consider that we human beings constantly tend to pursue a condition that we judge best, never succeeding in settling for what we have or for what we are.
Let’s face it: we set a goal in mind, we reach it – sometimes even with great efforts and sacrifices – and soon after we put another. This is also achieved, what will happen?
Since human beings have acquired the ability to think critically, we have immediately realized how the human condition is essentially driven by dissatisfaction. It is a vision common to many Western and Eastern philosophies, and in essence, there is not much to challenge: just look in and understand that it is just that we are done.
It’s not a problem in itself. Indeed, we should be grateful for our tendency to be dissatisfied. It is precisely because it has always been trying to go beyond the passive resignation of the external circumstances that the human being has managed to survive, improving their living conditions and achieving ever-greater levels of well-being and security.
In fact, dissatisfaction becomes a problem only when we attribute to that “more” that we lack and we strongly desire the function of making us finally feel complete and satisfied.
What makes us satisfied?
The idea is to feel really satisfied, functional and adequate only if we are able to reach the objects of our desires. Whether it’s material (money, luxury car, private jet) or immaterial (power, fame, success) does not matter: it’s all that we miss and that could make sense of our lives. We are convinced that in order to be good with ourselves, to feel worthy of value, we really need something extraordinary.
And even if we were able to get what we believe to be essential to feel fully satisfied, the tendency is always to look for something more. A desire always replaces another: dissatisfaction will inevitably return, and sooner or later we would find something else to be cautious about to feel good again with ourselves.
In a nutshell: As long as we continue to associate the achievement of what we think can make us happy with being really, we run the risk of remaining bogged down in the constant pursuit of a happiness that will ultimately never come to fruition.
The issues for dissatisfaction
The fundamental mistake, therefore, is to look for a more delusional and temporary satisfaction outside us, measuring your level of happiness with the things that have come to you and feel bad if you cannot.
Understand: The problem is not the desire for itself, rather when what you want becomes necessary to be comfortable with yourself and feel satisfied with what you are or are. Conditioning your happiness in the presence or otherwise of some things is the perfect issues for feeling unhappy.
And if we think we need this or that to finally be fine, maybe the problem is more thoroughly, probably in our way of seeing ourselves. Because too often, thinking about what we are missing, we tend to forget what we already have. And if we cannot see it or if we feel flaws in the bones, then continuing pursuing desires and goals is completely useless.
It would be a bit like trying to fill a barrel with a hole in the bottom. It is useless to continue pouring water: if we do not repair the foul, it will not suffice all the water in the world. And in the end there will not even be a drop of happiness.
In a world where every day we are told that we must be “someone”, the real risk is to feel “no one”. The tragicomic aspect of all this is that we are really convinced that it is enough to make somehow “exceptional” in order to be really good with oneself and feel that we have come “somewhere” to be “someone”.
It is only a sad illusion. Each of us, in the end, is already in itself exceptional, even in its normality; each of us, if we think well, is already unique and inimitable, with its own defects, but also, and above all, with its own merits.
Judging for what you would like to be or would like to have is therefore likely to be unnecessary and counterproductive, because it does not lead us to focus on our shortcomings. What we can do, however, is to work on things we do not like (our defects), and to enhance what we like and make us unique (ours).
We must start from what we are already, just as we are. To evolve and improve yourself in your exceptionality. And that’s just so that we can get to feel completely satisfied, not pursuing something out there that is now and tomorrow might not be there anymore.
So make courage, and be yourself, as normal as you are. That would be great!
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